His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
