i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Randomize
