I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
