They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
