This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
