just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
