READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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