I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
