I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
