So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
