Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
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