if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
honey bunches of taint.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
