I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
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