drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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