just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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