So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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