Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
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