I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
