Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
