he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
So squirting runs in the family.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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