i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
