Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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