hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
