I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
