Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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