I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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