the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
