Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
