my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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