At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
