you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
