I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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