he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
3 2 1 whiskey
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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