yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Randomize
