the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
