They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
