So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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