Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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