Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
someone owes me an orgasm
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Randomize
