school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Randomize
