I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
