His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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