Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Less talking, more tequila
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
