I think i peed on brittanys purse
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
how does that bad decision feel?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
