first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
