I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
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