no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
