best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
