Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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