last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Say something about gay babies.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
