what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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