So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
