The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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